Thursday, June 12, 2008

don't forget

My attempt to condense a lifetime's worth of good fatherly advice into song form. (Bad fatherly advice, like flatulence, I consider returned to dust along with the body.) The meter's pretty sketchy, though if I actually sang it I think the pace of the music would let me get away with the over-long and off-meter lines. The images are clunkier than they would have been if I hadn't been struggling to pack every verse with references to patented "Daddy lectures" about life, the universe, and everything. There are a ton I had to leave out for considerations of space, like "the most important quality in someone you want to date is that they think you're wonderful" and "always have backups" and "in a fight that involves physical violence, there are no winners, only people who lost less." And the ones in here are of course stripped of their accompanying anecdotes.

Still, I think, it'll pass muster, even with all the swears. (All two of 'em.) Yes, the four verses reference the four suits in a deck of cards. Dunno why that was the one of Dad's many hobbies that ended up providing structure to the song. Probably the limits of my own knowledge; maybe if I were more familiar with all the parts of a pistol and their functions I would have made literary play off that instead.

Dad started saying "don't forget" back during the divorce, when "I love you" would have been uncomfortable or situationally problematic to say, for example, on the phone. The phrase stuck around, and it was how he and we would usually end conversations or visits.
"P.S. - Don't forget..." were also the last words of his suicide note.

Hence the title.


don't forget

the diamond shows its face to you
and turned around it still shines true
c'mon, try one and two and three
first you see you, then you'll see me
can't see can't fight can't breathe can't fight can't walk can't fight
damn straight that's right
every level has its rules
the only ones who learn are fools

who know every gun's always loaded
they're careful their target is sure
never touch the trigger till their sights are on target
for what must no longer endure

don't forget that some rules change
and others always stay the same
no one can tell the difference but you
don't forget what's true

some clubs will batter down the door
and some you like to dress up for
step back before you hit the joint
breathe deep and say, "what is the point?"
think twice before you raise your hand
and when you ride, ride for the brand
you signed up for it--see it through
even if no one knows but you

you're only as strong as you're loyal
your fists answer both to your mind
a heart poured out like burning oil
is power no stranger can bind

don't forget the worst defeats
come from the ones you thought were sweet
they always try to tell you how you should
don't forget what's good

a golden cup can hide a drink
more bitter than you'd like to think
fill yourself up and do be clear
whether you hold love, rage or fear
learn to play to your weaknesses
what kind of game d'you think this is?
the power to heal and to forgive
is in your heart, long as you live

and after your living is done with
you'll bear your love into the dark
and hope what you learned to have fun with
will answer that you made your mark

don't forget the world's alive
no fathom is too deep to dive
the chalice of God's mercy it is always full
don't forget what's beautiful

they'll say your father was a sword
whose last years were dismayed and bored
a wheel-and-dealer just gone south
gone postal living hand to mouth
that's bullshit, kid--I stayed for you
past when my days should have been through
so let them whisper on the phone
"died in a bathtub, all alone--"

it's in the cards for everyone that someday
we'll move into the ground
forgive me, Love--I only know the one way
to lay this burden down

don't forget, don't forget, don't forget, don't forget
don't forget I love you
don't forget I love you
don't forget I love you

6 comments:

Martie said...

Well said...it's like a vase of roses to remember him by. Reading it makes lots of other good memories flood back. I have written 10 more lines and erased them all...it is too much to say. He was a treasure & I was blessed to know him.
love you forever,
mom

Julie Hedeen said...

Dads can never be Moms can they? A whole different way of relating--the tough stuff. And we need both. I used to get so mad at John when he would MAKE Kris ride a horse that was skittish (on an icy day!) to show him who was boss (who WAS boss?) or put some little kid on a tractor because he did it when he was 5 . . . it's a way different perspective--and in your family he was the ONLY guy.

Laura said...

crystal I'm just impressed that you are able to write about it at all. it's still a difficult thing for me to do mainly because you can never really make words do a person justice. it just doesn't work. but for what it's worth I think this was lovely.

Kristen said...

Martie,
I agree with you when you say you worte more line then erased them all as it was all too much to say. I have tried to write things I remember about Dad, but never get very far into it, because I cannot get on paper what is in my heart. It is all too much to say. I understand what it means in the Bible when it says that Mary "stored up all these things and treasured them in her heart". She could not explain what she was seeing, witnessing, and experiencing. It would be all too much to say. We can only keep them in our hearts as treasures just for us and no one else.

Kristen said...

Sorry for my typos!! I'm really NOT ILLITERATE!!
K

Martie said...

I do want to write down some more family stories, like your mom has started to do.

Crystal, I hope sometime you get to hear the stuff Marie read at the last family reunion. Our forebears come alive through these old letters. Like your poetry and Kris's prose, even a few choice phrases can evoke a powerful picture and help us to understand & feel connected in a healing way.

Completely off topic: I HAVE A JOB INTERVIEW ON MONDAY afternoon!
love you guys!
M.