Hi everybody.
I finally got around to creating this here blog thing. If I can balance my love of writing words down against the fiendishly limited webtime I have had lately, hopefully I can post something "new every morning." That would be awesome!
For now, I can give everyone a sneak peek preview of the lyrics to the next song I'm going to write. Usually I have no idea whether, or when, I'll get a new song, but this is kind of an unusual circumstance. As most of you know.
It's my theory that a song comes in through a hole in your heart. When something happens in your life that shakes you up inside or tears away a part of you, it leaves a wound in your spirit. Whether it's the death of a family member or a minor misunderstanding, those wounds need to be healed. I believe that creative works of all kinds, but music especially, can carry with them the power to heal such wounds, or at least cleanse away poisons like despair or bitterness that can come along with them. So when I go through a major, life-changing event like my father's passing, I know I'm going to have to write a song about it. For the health of my soul, even if for no other reason, and oh, there are plenty.
The actual writing of the song, of course, depends on how the pieces of it come together in my brain, which I don't care to rush any faster than it wants to go. So here's what I have so far. It's going to come in near the end of the song which will be called "Don't Forget":
It's in the cards for everyone that someday
We'll move into the ground
Forgive me, Love - I only know the one way
To lay this burden down
Homeschool Mom or Life in the Trenches
13 years ago
5 comments:
Crystal, it's so nice to see your words if not your actual face. I think words can be healing not just to you but to people who read them. And I don't know who said it, (probably someone in treatment!) but naming feelings helps heal. You can't just get rid of them unless you know they are there (like spiders or mice!)And somehow naming them can take away their power. I know this, but sometimes I feel awful but I can't really name the feeling until I think a lot, and sometimes I really don't WANT to think. So songs are good!
Also I like your color scheme here.
Crystal,
I've missed your wit, and razor sharp effectiveness with words. This IS a gift for you, that will help you heal. It just stinks that you have to do things that you don't want to, you have no choice but to go forward and face the things no one wants to and everyone fears. This may sound sort of strange and hopefully I can express is correctly, but after my dad died I experienced a depth of grief I had no idea was possible. The positive side of that, was when I again felt joy, it was heightened as well. It's almost like you cannot really feel joy until you have experienced grief. I appreciated the joys and blessings that came after grief and suffering more than I ever could before. After my dad died, I bagan writing again, mostly just journaling my thoughts and prayers which helped me a lot. The summary of that year for me was that it was "The Year I Truly Lived". My whole outlook changed. It was as if prior to his death I only sort of understood life in its depth and meaning, then all the trappings were taken away, and what I had left was raw and real. Now I get it.
Ok, I hope all this makes sense, I'm not very articulate, I think it comes from being with little kids most of the time.
You're going to be okay, Crystal. His mercies are "new every morning"...
Kris,
Yes! That 'now I get it' is exactly how I feel. It is just this is the first time in life I have had real, soul deep regrets. I just wish and pray I could go back and do things differently to get a better outcome. I know that this has all given me such a perspective on what is important in life, it will help me and make me a better person in the coming years...but oh, this is the first time that I can't go back and make amends for things undone...I need those mercies new every morning.
Love to all,
Amber
Thank you all for coming by my blog and making me feel welcomed and encouraged! Hugs all around!
Julie, you reminded me of my number one favorite C.S. Lewis quote. I forget which of the Narnia books it was in, but I think Edmund was talking about some enemy or other: "If there's a wasp in the room, you want to be able to see it." And that's just how it is with emotions! You know they have a stinger, and while they're not exactly out to get you, they WILL get you if you ignore or underestimate them.
Kris, more thanks and hugs to you! Your insights are wise and comforting and make total sense to me. I've often chided myself with the thought that you don't really know something until you are capable of explaining it to a seven-year-old.
A weird thing about naming the year--I'd actually decided back in January that 2008 was going to be the "Year of Great Changes". I was thinking of something completely different at the time, or else maybe I would've just said "Big" changes. The world all seems so much sharper and tanglier and in my face now. Parents, whatever else they do, stand like a shield between you and the world and all the good and evil and confusion in it. It's a little like stepping out around the corner of a building into a strong wind. Even if you don't fall down, you have to brace yourself until you find your balance again.
And Amber, many hugs to you! I must call you and make more definite plans for us-all getting sister time on Father's Day. Few things in life made Dad happier than to see his daughters doing our three-headed-hydra impression. Please don't beat yourself up over what ifs and regrets and things! My suspicion is that the things you most regret not being able to help him with were the things nobody could help him with because, for whatever reason, he couldn't accept it. He knew you loved him and he was proud of you! Be not despondent, for you are awesome!
Post a Comment